i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
