So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
