Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
