I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
