it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
