anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
