you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
