Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
