Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
