My cat gives me a boner
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
