Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
