I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
