I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
And then he peed in my hair
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