oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
