y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
