evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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