so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
