dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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