atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
