your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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