South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
