Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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