I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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