we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
