i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
