I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
