I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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