I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
