youre lurking in front of me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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