Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
