I just gift wrapped bread.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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