just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
