So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
