Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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