my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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