no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
