I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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