i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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