i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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