Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
