I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
