dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.