I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
last night I used snow as a chaser