It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
