you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.