The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize