Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course