Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?