i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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