Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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