i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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