I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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