Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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