we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You need a sexual gate keeper
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
