ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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