I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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