She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
