I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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