True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize