he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
