I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
