Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
