If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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